Words of Wisdom

On the meaning of life (in 25 words):   Man’s biological imperative is to produce sperm.  It’s what he does, 24/7, all his life.  A  woman's biological imperative is to coax it out of him.       

    

On the Golden Rule:  It's all about sex:  Do unto others what you’d like them to do unto you.

On trusting your preparations:  Enjoy the process.

On taking a breath:  Don’t be afraid. 

On working for a living:  Being an employee is a heavy burden, but you never realize quite how heavy it is until you put it behind you.

On being on time and knowing what fork to use:  The only middle-class virtue more highly over-rated than good table manners is punctuality. 

On self-control:  You’re only as strong as the last thing you said no to.

On child rearing:  The line between giving children just the right amount of healthy self-esteem and stopping short of making them insufferable egotists is razor thin.

On obsessing over weight control:  “I’m the same weight I was in high school.”  If that’s the best you can say about yourself after thirty years, you’ve wasted your life in gyms.

On the competitive spirit run amok:  There is a disconnect between “winning is everything,” which we admire in our sports heroes, and being in life a self-absorbed maniac who has to beat everyone at everything.

On taking your sweet time:  Thou shalt not rush.  (Also known as the eleventh commandment.)

On Jesus and Columbus:  I feel about Columbus the same way I feel about Jesus:  I can’t believe in either of them anymore, but it’s hard to give them up.